"Unfriend Yourself" (Kyle Tennant)

As social media becomes more ubiquitous, it is important to take a step back now and then, to think about why we are doing what we are doing. This review has been previously published here.

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TITLE: Unfriend Yourself: Three Days to Detox, Discern, and Decide About Social Media
AUTHOR: Kyle Tennant
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2011, (89 pages).

This little book takes a critical look at the ubiquitous social media icon: Facebook. In a world where many people simply hop onto the social media bandwagon without asking why, or simply because everyone else is doing it, Tennant helps us to understand why it is important to look before you leap. He constantly reminds us that he is not bashing Facebook per se. Instead, he is calling upon readers to think critically, and to recognize the limitations of social media.

He offers a three-fold challenge for readers over a three day Facebook fast weekend. Firstly, unplug and start the process of detoxification. Recognize what Facebook can do and not do. Facebook friends are very different from face-to-face friends. He then goes through some false promises that people have of Facebook.

1. "Media are amoral."
2. "It's ok to make it all about you."
3. "Community can be found anywhere."
4. "Nowhere is somewhere, and it can be anywhere."

These promises are not viable on the Facebook medium. The chief concerns surrounding uncritical use of Facebook is summarised as follows:

• Facebook provides a tempting platform for one to present themselves as more important than others.
• Facebook is the modern fig leaves that cover up our sinful selves
• Facebook is a powerful tool for self-promotion.

Secondly, he urges readers to discern what is best for them, and to discern and discover the pros and cons of social media. He points out that bad old sin lurks in the social medium. Digital communications is a convenient and easy cloak to hide our real selves from others. In other words, how can we build real community if we only showcase the nice parts of ourselves?

Thirdly, Tennant challenges readers to decide what is best for themselves. This final section is worth the price of the book. Instead of simply blasting away the use of social media, Tennant provides some suggestions to redeem the way we use it. 

Closing Thoughts

Tennant openly admits that he is a 'technology pessimist.' He prefers to err on the side of caution. Personally, I feel that this book is an important contribution to check the tsunami of interest and uncritical use of social media. Many have argued against the use of Facebook using statistical data and expert advice.  What Albert Borgmann and Neil Postman have done at a scholarly level to argue warnings about technology using us, Tennant has done for the layperson. The observations in the book is a reminder to us again that technology, social media such as Facebook needs to be on a leash. Uncritical usage of social media is like a pit-bull terror let loose, devouring others, and finally us. 

One need not agree with all the pointers, but I urge readers to keep the warnings fresh as they use Facebook. If all self-control fail, when all self-discipline is gone, then do the best thing for ourselves: Unfriend ourselves from Facebook.

Ratings: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me free by Moody Publishers and NetGalley without any obligation for a positive review. All comments offered are freely mine.

"Marriage Spirituality" by R Paul Stevens

TITLE: Marriage Spirituality - Ten Disciplines for Couples Who Love God
AUTHOR: R. Paul Stevens
PUBLISHER: Vancouver, BC: Regent College Publishing, 1989, (165 pages).

With his huge experience as pastor, seminarian, counselor, and of course, a married man, Stevens is certainly one we can learn from, with regards to marriage. Written with the Christian believer in mind, Stevens selects ten disciplines for couples to practice together. He believes that faith strengthens Christian marriages. For Stevens,

"To be married means to have our privacy invaded, to live dangerously close to another sinner, to be interfered with by someone who claims to love us but does not always know how. Yet to be married also means to celebrate a sacrament every day, all day, through everything we share, even when we are not together." (14)

The underlying conviction the author has is the need for husbands and wives to cultivate spiritual friendship with each other. Before this can happen, six barriers have to be addressed:

1. 'Too many agendas': that sucks away time and energy to prayer;
2. 'Overfamiliarity': that couples are not sensitive to fresh insights from each other;
3. 'History of mutual sin and forgiveness': seeking each other's forgiveness is hard;
4. 'Unresolved problems': unhealthy tendency to wait (forver) for problem to be resolved BEFORE any talk of spiritual togetherness;
5. 'Afraid of intimacy': Fear of letting spouse into the insecurities of oneself;
6. 'Complicated structure': the need for couples to see their marriage unique relationship in itself.

Simply put, the way forward is to let the marriage relationship become a 'response' to God's grace in the couple's life. The author suggests several ways to do the ten disciplines. One way is by taking an intentional 10-week experiment on developing spiritual friendship. Another way is through small couple mentoring program where two or three couples meet together regularly to encourage one another. Others include weekend retreats, teaching sessions or through sermons over the pulpit. The key is not to 'solve' but to share the journey.

The ten disciplines are:

1. Prayer that shares a special intimacy with God and each other.
2. Conversation that involves listening to the heart.
3. Sabbath that learns to rest, leisure, and play together.
4. Retreat that encourages solitude together as a couple.
5. Study to train the couple's ability to listen to God.
6. Service to serve together.
7. Sexual Fasting to learn to attempt to focus on resolving a particular spiritual matter.
8. Obedience in doing God's will together.
9. Confession to enable healing.
10. Mutual Submission to affirm the equal relationship of both spouses.

My Comments

This is a lovely book to read as a couple. The strength lies in the application aspects where the author details the steps to practice the discipline. For example, the 'putting into practice' is not only realistic but covers practical details of a typical busy life. The author shows an astute understanding of marital challenges, and writes in a very encouraging manner. Personally, I feel that ten disciplines are a little too much. The disciplines are important. However, the book will benefit more if it focuses on say 5-7 of them. For instance, prayer and conversation can be combined. Confession and Mutual Submission goes hand in hand. The same goes for Sabbath and Retreat. In its current form, the book is best used for a teaching course rather than a marriage manual for couples spiritual friendship. If there is another title, I will certainly suggest: "Cultivating Spiritual Friendship in Marriages."

I recommend this book for Christian couples, especially those where both spouses are active in Church or work in a Christian organization.

Ratings: 4 stars of 5.

conrade

Book Review: "The Company You Keep"

TITLE: THE COMPANY YOU KEEP - the Transforming Power of Male Friendship
AUTHOR: David C Bentall
PUBLISHER: Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Books, 2004, (194 pages).

I picked this book up in Church a few months ago. It was donated by a generous friend. David Bentall is a well-known businessman in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. This book unpacks his journey and learnings about friendship, in particular friendship among fellow males. His acknowledgement is like a list of who's who, especially in evangelical circles. People like Dr Leighton Ford, Stan Grenz and Dr James Houston. He describes his perspective of friendship as one that is taught by observing his father, who during his darkest times, 'still had two shining rays of light - his faith in God and his circle of friends.' (x)